Can the President Get Away with Murder?

In January 2016, then Presidential Candidate Donald J. Trump stood before an audience in Iowa and stated, “The polls. They say I have the most loyal people, did you ever see that? Where I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay? It’s like incredible.” These remarks at the time garnered backlash from the Democrats and the left, but overall didn’t seem to make a difference to his base in the Electoral College, as he went on to win the election later that year.  Four years later, we are coming [...]

Sympathy for the Devil – Trump gets COVID-19

It is unsurprising that an elderly man who doesn’t believe in wearing a mask or taking safety precautions during a global pandemic has tested positive for a highly contagious pathogenic viral infection. What makes it newsworthy is that the person is the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump. And Trump isn’t alone in testing positive for COVID-19: from White House aide Nick Luna to right-wing loudmouth Chris Christie, Republicans are receiving coronavirus tests like they’re NRA kickbacks. But what about the Democrats? What has their reaction been? Well, for the ones highest up the political ladder, it has [...]

Politicians as Mythical Creatures

In a riveting speech by Kimberly “Banshee” Guilfoyle’s boyfriend, Don Jr. described Joe Biden as “basically the Loch Ness Monster of the swamp.” Given his surface level understanding of the Scottish Gaelic word “loch” and Vaughn’s background in paleo-cryptozoology, we thought we could do better. Let us know in the comments how we did or how you’d assign the politicians. Joe Biden – Ouroboros A copy of a 1478 drawing by Theodoros Pelecanos Joe Biden is less of the Loch Ness Monster and far more of an ouroboros, the mythical snake depicted as swallowing its own tail. Presidential Candidate Biden [...]

Left on Voting Biden

I'm going to attempt to explain my frustration with the myriad posts I'm seeing of people not wanting to vote for Biden or at all. This is my frustration alone, and it is absolutely your right to vote however you like. I just need to get this out. I'm going to start with a bombshell first to white people: In my view, it is white privilege to actively choose not to vote this November. (Actively choose as opposed to systemic disenfranchisement preventing you from voting). What I mean by this is that you've witnessed the last four years, you've seen [...]

Wrong Impressions: Warren Changes Strategy for 2024 – Rebrands as Patriots Fan

In the wake of losing the 2020 Democratic Nomination for President to Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren has announced that she will change her strategy when she runs again for President in 2024: Warren will rebrand as a New England Patriots fan. "Even if Biden wins in November, it's likely he won't run again in 2024, and that's why I'm taking the initiative and announcing my candidacy now. I've lost the last two Democratic nominations, and I realise I need to pivot and bring a fresh message that will help me reach voters I've failed to attract in the past. That's [...]

Voting Options in Every State

Voting in 2020 has become a hot issue on the national stage, but fear not! There are many voting options available for the General Election on November 3, 2020. To help you find your options, below is an alphabetical list of every state’s regulations for voting with alternatives where available for voting by mail and links to the election council’s website for further information. Below each state’s policy is a quote from their sites detailing how to return your ballot in in-person options.  To quickly run through these options:  Some states offer in-person Early Voting. This means that you might [...]

Wrong Impressions: Biden Shocks Democrats – Picks Chris Christie as VP Choice

Joe Biden has shocked Democrats by selecting Chris Christie as his Vice-Presidential pick. Biden had been saying for months that he would select a woman as his running mate – leading to speculation that Kamala Harris would ultimately be the candidate who would be chosen –, but in a stunning turn of events, Biden has not only picked a male candidate, but a Republican one at that. “I’m delighted to be picked and welcome the chance to serve America and work with our future president, Joe Biden,” said Chris Christie. “I know it’s unusual for a Democrat to pick a [...]

DOJ Approves the Termination of the Paramount Consent Decrees

The Department of Justice announced today their decision to initiate the process of terminating the Paramount Consent Decrees. The Decrees were decided in the Supreme Court case United States vs. Paramount Pictures, Inc in 1948, a decision that found the existing distribution system in Hollywood was in violation of US anti-trust laws. In effect, the Paramount Decrees stopped Hollywood studios from fine-tuning vertical integration and consolidating even more power than they had already accumulated in the first few decades of the 20th century. Vertical integration in Hollywood historically is a system of controlling the production, distribution, and exhibition of outputs, effectively cornering all [...]

Wrong Impressions: Satirist Really Feels He’s Making a Difference

A local satirist has spoken about his work and the worthwhile contribution he feels he is making. “I just feel at this time, when America is so divided and we’re heading towards possibly the biggest election of our lifetime, the most important thing I can do is write snarky headlines about both sides.” “While others are doing their part by protesting an authoritarian, fascist government, or helping the poor and desolate during a time of unprecedented hardship for this country, I’m making up little jokes about Joe Biden being a little bit slow in his old age. I really feel [...]

Too Much and Never Enough

“The story mattered more than the truth…” This simple fact that we’ve all learned to be true of Donald J. Trump countless times underlies the true essence of what Dr. Mary Trump has to say about her uncle. The story he believes, the story he tells, the story he repeats time and time again is always more important than the truth. Out of respect for Dr. Mary Trump, clinical psychologist and author of the book, I will refer to her simply as Trump, more deserving of the formal respect than the president whom I will only call Donald from here [...]